The Climb: How women can cope with life transitions and change
What are Life Transitions?
Life transitions cover a range of common life events that many people experience like developmental changes (from puberty to menopause), relationship status changes (divorce, widowhood), moves, career changes, and family changes, like pregnancy to empty nest to caregiving for elders. Although many life changes are expected, they can still be stressful and require an adjustment period. Some changes are jarring if not traumatic such as physical health changes due to new diagnoses or injuries, accidents that are life changing for us or our loved ones, or major community events like tornados or hurricanes that tear through neighborhoods or towns. It may seem like life is more so subject to change than stability.
5 Simple Ways to decrease stress from life transitions and change
Whether we welcome changes like the birth of a child or wish an event, like a death of a loved one, never happened at all, stress can result. Even though most would expect unwanted changes would bring stress, positive changes can lead to stress as well. Change is inevitable and stress may follow, so what do we do to cope?
1. Assess your level of stress
First off it’s important to do a self-assessment of your mood state AND its intensity. For some, this is an easy task. For others, being connected to and aware of emotions is foreign. Take a few moments to turn off any distractions like phones, TV, or music. Find a quiet place where you can be alone. Gently rest your eyes and just observe what emotions you notice. Are you picking up on worry, anxiety, panic, sadness, fear, anger, irritability, frustration, depression, or confusion? Is it something else? Are there multiple emotional reactions simultaneously? Now that you’ve identified what you’re feeling, try to determine the intensity of the feeling. Use a simple 0 to 10 scale where 10 is the most intense level, and 5 is the midpoint. By noting the emotion and the intensity you’ve measured your current emotional state and can then monitor if your emotions improve or worsen as you try the different coping strategies. You may even want to track your emotions in a simple way by keeping a log in a notebook, on a notes page in your phone, or trying a mood tracking app of your choice.
2. Reflect on what has helped in the past
You may already have some answers on how to cope with your stress. Think back on times in the past when you experienced a similarly stressful situation. What did you do to cope at that time? What helped you feel comforted and calm? Did you experience relief by talking things out with a friend or family member? Maybe you felt relief by talking walks or going for a run. Sometimes you may have benefitted from taking a few days to rest, nap, or veg-out with your favorite movies. If it’s possible for you to repeat the strategies that worked in the past, take timeout to engage in these activities.
Engaging in a hobby can be a great way to cope with stress.
3. Try new calming strategies and stick with the best one for you
Maybe you need to add to your coping skills repertoire. There are a range of calming strategies you can try. Most people gravitate towards certain ones that speak to them; not every strategy will speak to you and that’s normal and okay. An easy way to access a sampler of calming strategies is through a free app called PTSD Coach. Don’t worry, you don’t have to have PTSD to access the app. The coping skills in this app are great for PTSD, stress, depression, and anxiety. It was created by the Veterans Administration and is free to the public, not just veterans or military. Just download the app and go through the simple set-up. Once you’ve opened the app, click on “Manage Symptoms.” From there you’ll see a list of Tools. 23 tools are available for you to choose from. You can try some or all of them. Choose the ones you like the best and try practicing at least one of them daily.
4. Schedule a worry time
A Worry Time is a popular strategy for stress management. It is one of the tools mentioned in the PTSD Coach app listed above and is even mentioned in Judge Judy Scheindlin’s book, Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever, The Making of a Happy Woman, as a tool she uses! It’s an effective tool whereby you schedule an appointment to worry! Sounds odd at first but you’ll see the benefit if you give it a try. In making a time to worry, you set an appointment for a finite amount of time. During that time of maybe 15 minutes, you can think about or better yet journal about whatever is causing you stress or anxiety. Just write whatever comes to mind. When your set time has elapsed, stop writing. With this strategy you’re basically teaching yourself to worry but only at your designated time. It allows you to compartmentalize but not ignore your concerns. For the rest of the day, you focus on your tasks, work, or other activities, staying fully engaged in those activities. If you start to worry after your worry time is up, just tell yourself you’ll save the worry until tomorrow’s worry time and carry on with the task in front of you. Try it for a week and see how you feel after you’ve given it a good chance to work.
This video gives tips for how to wrap up a worry time session.
5. Take care of your physical needs
During times of stress basic physical needs are commonly impacted—appetite, food intake, sleep, and nutrition. Think of times you or people you know have been stressed by major events. Did you notice changes to what kinds of food are eaten (increase in junk food for instance), how much is eaten (too much or too little), how much sleep is achieved (too much or too little), and changes to activity levels (sluggish and zombie-like to overly busy to avoid feelings)? Maybe coping includes increasing alcohol, nicotine, or drug intake. Of course, the best way to manage stress during tough times is to try to stay hydrated, eat healthy meals including fruits and vegetables, get proper rest, stay moving, and breathe!
BONUS TIP:
Try keeping a positive and hopeful perspective about your own ability to bear whatever hardship you are enduring right now. Immediately following a stress, transition, or great difficulty, this can feel impossible. Emotions are running high and intense (this is why it’s important to monitor them), and this heightened emotional state blocks us from problem solving or managing a balanced perspective. Keeping hope and faith in times of stress, transition, and change is crucial. Miley Cyrus sings about maintaining hope in her song, The Climb (and now you understand the title of this blog post).
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No, I'm not breaking
I may not know it..
Just gotta keep going
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, 'cause
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
Struggles will come. We can’t avoid that in life. I’m not saying “just keep a happy attitude” about stress or trauma. Rather, I’m saying, try to stay positive about your ability to handle the stress. Remain strong by seeking support, finding inspiration in song lyrics, an inspirational movie, your faith, or your community.
How to know when your stress levels are a normal reaction or out of bounds?
If these strategies help you in managing your climb or stress, great! Even if you feel these strategies are not enough, they will still help over time and are good practices to keep in place. Yet if the moods you’re monitoring continue to stay intense (7-10) for days on end, or for a greater time than you feel comfortable with, it may be best to reach out for additional support. If you notice persistent depression or anxiety lasting more than 2 weeks, reaching out for professional support is highly recommended.
What to do if your stress levels remain high despite your best efforts
You can reach out for support in several ways. Connect with friends and family if that feels safe. You might also find support from self-help groups, support groups, or your religious leader. Your primary care doctor can also support you during an office visit. Online therapy is an additional avenue.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alicia Rozycki, PhD
Dr. Rozycki is a licensed psychologist and the founder of AROSE eTherapy®, an online therapy practice serving high achieving professional women and military affiliates including active duty, veterans, spouses, and government employees. Virtual sessions are available in Colorado, Florida, Maryland, and Pennsylvania. Learn more about Dr. Rozycki.
Alexander, J., & Mabe, J. [Recorded by Miley Cyrus.] Hannah Montana: The Movie. Hollywood, United States: Walt Disney.
